Night With Confession

What's wrong with you? You should change!  Be a MAN! You are not suppose to be like that!

Phrases by phrases cutting through my wound opening it wide and spreading the pain more. I can't help but to agree and think about it. So, I'm blessed with wonderful family, unique voice, different appearance, amazing friends, great advising technique but without knowledge. However, you're missing another piece, 7 years of life without drama but dramas from close friends. What? Why? I have nothing in me yet i helped people? I want to be helped! I want all the experience and lousy time but i don't. God is loving me too much to let me suffer that way but the another so that i will grow ever strong than anyone else. 

Another missing piece, is not me who doesn't want to change and following fate IS i don't know how to fight it back! Now i know but how strong and determine i can get to fight it? Time tells. When all the fate is tricking me, when all the luck is gone, when all wishes are not coming, inside and deep down i have hope. Hope with no way to go a new way appear and leading me into a new place where things are different from now and the way it should be. 

For the more(furthermore), Lord bless me with the heart to soul to care about you and why not blessing others with it? Because He knows that i can handle it better and probably suitable than any others. But you are to be cared nothing MORE or LESS than that! I have no autorithy to ignore that call but if you take it for granted and start to make that caring you is such a big deal than i CAN turn away and let whoever is there left to take care of you. Be grateful when someone is actually caring about you! Not thinking that why you cared so much? Don't get it? Then don't need to get it. Plus, you're not the first i'm caring of so don't be such ridiculous and make it a BIG DEAL!

I'm desperate, I'm thirsty, I'm waiting patiently for the right time. Everything happened and if there are more to happen then come on! I have nothing more to lose but more to gain. I seriously hoping for the real  me to emerge from me. I was told i have it in me but it's not portraying yet. When is the right time? Please., tell me.

Weekday Blue

I miss all my firends already! What to do, they're all not around during holidays but for those who are coming back to join me i'm very glad you do and i am waiting very patiently!

I felt so bad that my friend actually broke up with his partner. It was believed that she lied to him and cheated on him. She has another guy with her well, of course, with out his knowledge with by coincidence my friend discovered. He said he is very fine with being single at the moment so i think you better be or else forget bout your status!

Is it me or what that i am not so obsessed with love this few weeks. Perhaps because i'm enjoying my time with games and of all i get to ravel but a very tiring one! Who gets the point? They... Oh wells. I just wish you can give me a peace of mind and let me enjoy now! You're like hunting me you know and it's not enjoyable to talk about it. Go away...

Oh, Masquerade ball is coming! I can wait no longer and i miss my boy!!! If you would show up that's the best but that's also the least i hope of. Please take good care of yourself while i'm away. Happy day!

Calling From Elders

Elders in this context i not literally the elder we have at home but rather the elder i have in heaven. I suddenly receive this call to talk to him about his problem. Why? i don't know because first i never talk to him second, he probably hates me. But, why is the call so strong and urging? Isit me or what?

My final for this semester i coming like few more days and i'm still blogging my way here. This is just not working... What should i do to get myself in the mood? Actually i am in the mood just that i am evaluating myself highly. And it's just effing.. 

If i can choose to find one thing to aid me right now. It would be a person whom i loved and who loved me more. If and if only, cupid would find the way to me...

Special? No way....

It's such a pleasant day to hang out with friends studying whole at at Starbucks! Ya Starbucks! It's something new for me as i never actually study at places like that but surprisingly we managed to study till like almost all of them! Cool right? But it's just being together and kill time makes the moment precious. Oh... We had like latte, mocha and caramel. You should try caramel if you want something sweet, latte as something more or less coffee -like and mint mocha for sweet and chocolaty...

But happy times just ends so fast and we had dinner together. Seems like having a meal sitting with him doesn't make things any weirder and OMG i haven't thank him for the drink he paid! Thank you for paying for my drink! (Hope you read though) Here comes the whole day of event. Something that is so much different from usual.

Looking back it's a lot of fun time but it's never fun for me until i finally realise that being someone dfferent is more than a burden to me already. If just one day, like i said, waking up, feeling all normal hagging out with bunch of guys, how cool will that be? If i would ever get that only day and particular chance... It's just me alone sometimes... (nevermind the words in the picture below)

Just need a warm hug and a whole bowl of ice cream to cheer me up! All the best for tomorrow!

Dedicate

If you're a huge fan of Zac Efron, you will defnitely love this very post! I'm dedicating this to all my friends that - love is indeed not a game so if you're holding onto one make sure it is tight and if you felt it loose on one side start to let it go and don't even think of looking back.

Then, when i was still thinking that am i always flirting with people too much, i began to think that i really do. My friends always say i flirt and seduce but that's not true.. It's just my way of communicating. Perhaps i do sometimes... (look at that on the below! sweet!)

But isn't that just human nature? May be it's just my own nature because i'm lacking of that. I should say i'm cursed from love. Duh... But for one thing., i always believe in love even though it's not blessed...

Emotion Takeover

It's not just me being shaky but it's my emothion causing it. I have already done the best and you (damn you) rejected my work just saying not related. How dare you even spite that out of your fat lips when you never show us a damn smaple of how to produce a perfect one like our philosophy lecture did? He sure is 1000x better than you miss! Think over it. to you it's easy but to us we never could understand what you want until you show us and you never do. So back of before i would ever explode!

Oh my... i seriously miss you so much English 2! Why you wan tot leave... if you haven't leave that fat a** would never come and tragedy like that would no happen. I wish you could drop by and say hi.Even though is dreaming would dream come through. Oh., SPM is like so soon too so, boy! you just have to work super hard to get over with it okays? I am sure you are going to be more than fine... Miss you...

Desperate Desires

I just saw my friend walking into a new relationship. In fact both of them are my friends and i do hope that they'll work well together. I don't think they have meet each other for at least 6 months but they're already committing in a relationship. And he first say "I love You" in the cinema theater. Isn't that so sweet? I seriously wish i could have it too.. But who knows?

  

If all i want is just to someone who loves me. The kind of intimacy love. Can you give me?

True Love

It's such a wonderful thing to find true love and realising that it's such a beautiful lie at the same time too. But i still wish all my friends all their best to maintain the relationship they have. Those who are just starting, those who are in deep love and those who are going to engage! Don't even tell yourself isit too early because everything happens for a reason.


I am now at the same time fighting for my own way to recovery. However, i trust that i will always find the reason why i have all this at some time in the future...


Before i run, my brother here again the day before he leaves for Singapore... Miss him so much!


Good day!

A truth

Truth hurts but truth makes me stronger. The moment i know that it is not meant to be mine i am so just devastated but at the same time i managed to make myself as strong too. I won't feel that bad until i get total reject so what's wrong with me?

I just love to have a new lil brother again. I never found that a little care would result in a true confront so... *smile* We were playing Taboo and he is just so good with his father. Lots of common stuff~

Miracle of Love

I found this 2 very interesting. They are a miracle living in this so real world... If i would ever have love, i will hold on to it very tight and let nothing slips through my fingers. 


I already ponder to your heart but you never let me in. I wished i could have felt the love easier. I know i don't have all the qualities to let you fall for me but... who will in this world fall for me? No one will... i will still love myself for everything! Miracle., please work on me. I pray...

Deserves or not?

I don't know whether i deserves to be loved or to love someone. I always wanted to tell you how much you are in me. I couldn't spend a single day without reminding i must talk to you the next time we meet because we may not be meeting more than these....


A single reason for loving you is because Je vous aime

Differences and Alternatives

It's been such a long long time i haven't update my blog. Well, i finally faced the major problem of my life. Love and love more...

I have no choices and alternatives to choose from. Physically i'm very healthy and good but it's not just that i want. The physical that suits me is all i want. This physical is not giving me the confidence in finding love and approaching. If i ever want a normal life i need not have the differences between normal guy.

Then, inside of me containing to much of those stuff which guys don't need to have but i have most of it. Getting ready for everything, preparing being neat and taking good care of self. I just wish i'm not that discipline...

Lord, If things were to be different isn't it much better? Why can't I live the normal guy life and stay normal? I have to ask for more but a normal guy life one day. 

In Jesus name i pray, Amen

yay!

The Sims 3 site is selling store items. They are so delicate and wonderful. The only problem is, i have to buy them with sims points! Which is i purchase with real money. I won't want to spend so much for it especially it's just a game. I searched for mirrors and torrent. Finally, got me a few of my favourite sets. Of course, it's a secret where i found them. yay!

Ok. University is not fun at all if there's a short sem. Why do we even need them when we are studying such long courses? Lord, i pray that i can do well. I put effort in it too... Amen

Short Semester

What is short semester for? To reduce study time? It's actually works! BUT! At the same time, should the course leaders reduce the chapters to learn? They are so ridiculous. They think that we can handle so many chapters in like 7 weeks time? Crazy... Come on, lecturers can't even finish teaching the whole syllabus and you're already giving quiz and mid-terms... great~...

Well, studying right now and also Simming at the same time. Gonna think of a new collection to make *sigh* pain in the neck...

Turtle's Love

A non-fiction writing.

Turtle has been very lonely and pity for her as she has only few friends. She's badly hurt inside her heart from an evil turtle which causes her to lose faith in love.

Until one day, a big turtle spotted this poor turtle. They began to be friends and big turtle proposed his love towards her. However, she was too hurt to accept anymore relationship. Slowly, big turtle changes her and let her become strong. She's strong now. But, i wonder if the poor turtle can still accept a new relationship. Let time prove itself.

"I love you turtle. I won't let you go not even if you want me to."said big turtle...

Caring vs Loving

Why must you always say that you are lonely and you have no friends when you have so many? Just because you want more so you make everyone like me to feel sorry for you. I do admit that i like you. Sacrifices made are for you. But, what do you do in return? Throw away your old self and take in a new one? Is that good? I have no comment.

I care for you because love is the maniac behind. How bout you? You love to care or you care to love? I really would like to hear from you, miss.

Unaccpetable vs Acceptable

I just finish reading two persons' blog. They are a very good life example for me. Not example that i would follow on but example as how i would deal with this issue next time. I can't tolerate it. No matter what. I believe every human has the right to choose their couple but i can never ever convince myself to go into that sort of relationship. Please, what can you do for you other half? No...

Anywayz, they have their own life very very luxurious and fun for the past 4 years. I really do hope that it will bloom some day with the acceptance of society.

This is just what i don't want. What i want is you staying with me. Doesn't matter if your heart is still with him but i know that one day, any day you'll turn your back and find the right choice behind you. Trust you with my love and passion....

His Girl

There are things which i still couldn't accept. Evry moment my heart sinks and shakes. The moment you tell me things bout him. How sweet you are with him. How bad you missed him. I know, it's from your heart. But, how bout mine? Isit just not important and you could just throw aside? Hope i don't offence you.

True. The love that is not yet coming to me is still lost in the space. But, I do hope it wouldn't bring pain along with it. I'm not going to go through another moment like that. Please understand...

No matter what, your happiness is the first to me. Deep down watching your smile and laughter brings away the pain left in me...

Her Love

I'm not depressed not sad not jealous. I just can't stand in when seeing her weeping in front of me and complaining on the X whom she loved so much and got hurt so much... I don't understand why would she has to go through this. She can't accept her new love as the X has not been leaving her soul.

I'm sad, depress and jealous. Watching the love of your other half weeping unstoppable in front of you complaining of the X. Why would she has to suffer? And i suffer to watch the tears sliding through her cheek and chin. We're not here to be punish by love but is to enjoy the love.

Pray that she will be able to see her heart deep down inside and near her there are people who cares and worries about her. Waiting for her to come to his side. Her love, an expensive and priceless item...

Chinese Year Year Day 3

Happy Chinese New Year to all readers! This is the third day of New Year and i haven't been to much visiting cuz it's raining every now and then. Plus, friends are all not around as they're all back to their home. I want busy busy New Year not so free....

So, I wouldn't be posting much words but lots of cute pictures lor~ There's they Cinderella's Magic Pumpkin and a cute bear ^^

Old vs Older

I don't mind people doesn't appreciate my effort cuz i know that i've do my best in it. I just don't understand that they make it sounds so definite that i will sure perform my duty and they will sit back and relax. And so, they take every piece of my effort for granted. Awful...

My theme, old vs older. It does mean something as i just realise it today. Same time or may be a little different we meet and we are friend till now. So are they. Sadly, we seldom talk recently when we meet. In fact, it's them talking not us. How funny to say that lazy to entertain him and yet still talking to him like never meeting each other for ages. May be he just has the quality of making friends. I shall proceed even without any of you around though the way will be harsh.

Speaking of proceed, New Year is coming just round the corner. I'm a good host as always inviting guest to my place but it seems that it's boring now. People seek new stuff every now and then. They tasted the previous and now wanting a new one. Inviting is easy but whether or not it's going to come it's up to themselves. On the other hand, they are actually making plans with others to go out which never tried with. Well, just have to really look forward and see friend as in FRIEND in need will come...

Hi people. Today's post will be a very interesting one. Trust me. I think of a very cute set of names to describe my friend with their personality. Little "F", he is so cute and round so he'll be the 'KFC' with concentrated oil under the skin. Lim lim, very fair. I'm so 'zealous' of his fair people are saying his is nature and mine is like fake. Who cares., Anyway, his name will be white chicken. This white chicken is not the type which is only for makan but this type is running outside so very ~fit~... Next, Mr.Ming, he's quite thin in size then he is like roasted chicken. All the lemak is already out from the body... Last! the one and only guy who doesn't has his 'balls' served the purpose has no guts to talk to me ever since 1st sem. Duh... itik larr... Though he's the roast Pork. OILY!

To my jie... no worry... the secret is save with us... not pain dy horr ^^

Good afternoon. What a slow moving Friday i have today. Whole morning marking students' work. Non-stop until now. Just find some time to rest and check on Facebook and key in new blog.

I've been wanting to watch Toothfairy but i wonder i sQian and Hui wants or not. Hmmm... I wil pretty much prefer to go to MBO to watch cuz it's really nicer there. But seriously it's not cheap. Need to prepare around RM10 per entrance.

I got my student ID! But... My Uni here doesn't sign the contract with Digi so i can't upgrade my pack to Digi Campus. What a sad thing...

Enjoy your day

KL trip 15 Jan

dada... I'm back from Kl and recovering from my sick. Got some sort of virus attacking me. Hope that i can resume my class tomorrow. Anywyas, from the first day till the last my aim to to have my shopping list done and not buying anything else than in the list. I did manage to buy almost everything except some. Of course, eating is another priority. Evryone's present is also done buying now is just waiting to be give out. How? I can't share everything in here just a rough idea. I'm satying at Federal Hotel somewhere near Sungai Wang and Times Square. It's a deluxe room. Very nice and comfortable....

Best

What! Tomorrow my long waiting result will be out! sigh... How should i say... It's not very excited to know but i'm worried. Really pray for the best.

I just found eBay a very nice webisite if you have things to buy and you don't know where to find. However the item may be cheap but shipping cost a hell lot.... I wonder is there any with free shipping. Yes! there is. But the import tax cost too... argh! why like this... T.T

Enjoy your day