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Friday, June 29, 2012

It hurts... it truly hurts. But what can i do? It's your choice. You have your mind set and your thoughts. Somehow they're so different from what normally people has. So special that i'm still considering what should i do with you. 

NO doubt i really love you. You're so sweet, so kind, so cute, so funny and most of all... you have the warmth that i always seek for... 

If i go with you, would it be the last or just the beginning? Something that i dare not ask nor think about because it hurts...

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Recovery

Seems like you have a busy weekend there. I haven't heard from you since last night. Well, of course i left you a message but you probably haven't read that too. I do hope you would send me some regards.

It's been quite hard for me this few days. Have to think bout homework and some personal stuff. If there's a way to kill my personal thought i'll definitely do it because it is killing me first. I hate to admit but i really on the rainbow walk again. Geez, can my life get any boring with this? I've been so hurt already and yet i have to face all the truth lying up front at my face. 


Maybe it is just the mood swing talking but i thought i recovered from that already. Apparently i haven't. When can i get over with this? sigh...

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Trying to Forget

It was last night. I dreamed of you again. It was quite some time since i last dreamed of you. I don't know what to say. It hurts so much every time you appeared. It's just a dream so why would you hunt me? Are you trying to give me a fantasy that will never even happen? Please forgive me for not trying... not trying to forget you.

I really wished that you could stay. But then when i was waking up you would disappear. I couldn't help but watch you left me like that - alone again. I could imagine if you're really show up in front of me, i will definitely hug you tightly. So tight that i could only feel all of you in me. So tight that i could hear your heart beat and feel you warm breath. 

If there is a chance. I will take that chance. To be with you FOREVER. I LOVE YOU. 

Friday, August 5, 2011

You're Loved Already

The survival was hard for the pass 6 months... I didn't pass tho. Thinking back it was quite a great training.

After the rough game, i realise that to love her it's not easy. I couldn't act that i love her. All i can is to watch after her and do whatever she needs and offer all that i can. Sounds like drama but it is like that. She already has a boyfriend whom she loved so much. Even though they are having problems but they have very strong love in each other. What could i do?

If i could choose... I would choose to be normal. I know, normal is normal and not interesting but i don't think my relationship is going the right way.

I've changed and that's the best present i got from You, thank you, Lord!!

05-08-2011 =) I Still Love You, Pretty One =)


Friday, March 18, 2011

Love The Feeling of LOVE

How does it feels when you actually look down at your watch waiting for someone special to find you? Not anyone special as in best friends but intimidate relationship friends? yea... I'm in love already but i don't sense the love-in-the-air kind of love. all i know of is someone always holding the faith on me hoping that we can be with each other forever.

I am desperate for that, but i'm not crazy enough to jump into a messy one. I'm sure that i'm holding on the right one. At least for now. We're struggling for 1 month now and it's more likely to be stable soon. Even i know we're not the cuddling kind of couple but we do support each other in needy times. During the worst time, i ever thought that  we might not be couple till the end of the day, we may be just soul mates for each other. 

It's easy to find someone whom you love but the other way round it tough. Dang tough... Even though deep down inside me i know that there'll be someone loving me as much as i love that person too, it's hard to convince too as i really haven't encounter yet! Craze... 

Have a great night peeps.. love you all!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Addictive Vs Dedicative

It always feel right to be in love especially when you already know that the right person showed up. But don't you ever feel that being alone is much better too? This is why you might miss the right one out and let the wrong one occupy you. How do you know if that's the right one? Ask yourself and listen to the voice inside you. You'll eventually know if that's the right one. He/She may not be walking with you to the very end but at least it's right for that moment.

You can be addicted to love but you must dedicate yourself to love. It's never to late to let go unless you think it's not worth letting go. When he/she sacrifice so much for you and yet you still think that appearance is worth more than everything then you're a very stingy and lousy person! Appearance is important but it's never more important than the heart and feeling the both of you share. When you can conquer that appearance are something temporary then you're on the right track and ready to move one. Don't let anything tiny cloud the both of you. Even the lousiest past can be a horrible disaster but it's already a past tense. Don't mention unless you think it's going to bring effects in the relationship.

There was once i loved a person but i still love. Why? Because i know it's right and it's correct. There is nothing wrong about the appearance. No one is such person even i myself can be a lil naive in times. I'm not ready to let go YET! But one day, whether or not, will be the right one, we'll see...

Sunday, January 30, 2011

A Narrative Part 2

After a while, Olie walked to the living room and switched on the TV. It was a fashion show program which is so weird. Perhaps her fashion freak sister forgot to switch it back to other channel when she last watched. Nonetheless, she continued to watch the show as well. The show was definitely a great one but she didn't enjoy any of it. The tv was obviously watching her. However, she just sank into the couch without any complaints but thoughts and thoughts flooding her mind.

"I wonder if i'm thinking too much? It's never easy to let go a relationship and i'm definitely not ready to let go. But i think i should make things clear right? Wished i could just call them now and meet up downtown to grab a glass of drink. It's high time for us to settle everything." she planned her journey for tomorrow before leaving the room and calling it a day.

The next day was a beautiful day. Sunshine and clear skies. It would cheer you if you had been there to witness the beautiful day yourself. But to Olie, it's not any special nor good day. A hard for her as she has to get everything in place before any more worse. She washed her face and put on her  makeup. Choosing the best clothes for that day and a handbag that would go perfectly for the outfit of the day. Of course, not missing the heels that would let her journey be more comfortable in.

She then walked down to the kitchen to have a glass of milk and perhaps some toast with peanut butter and jam. "I'm going to do it and i'm going to do it all by myself. Standing strong and standing firm." Holding her breakfast, she sat down the chair and began to enjoy her toast and milk. After cleaning up the place, she left the home and drove off to the cafe which she had booked the night before.

On the way to the cafe was so long for her. Though, the traffic was clear and not too much of jam around. It was 10.30 in the morning when she reach the cafe. Well, it was not that full inside but she chose to sit outside where she can feel the breeze blowing.

"10.45. 15 more minutes. Seems like i'm too early. Oh well..." she looked at her watch and someone stood beside her suddenly. It was the waiter who wanted to take her order but she didn't want anything yet. So she called him off. Then, someone walked towards her direction. It was Sally. Her BFF. At least that was what they use to call each other before. Sally pulled the chair and sat down opposite of her.

"You're always early, aren't you?"

"'cause i just think being late is not so good. That's all. I hope you know the purpose i want to meet you here this morning. I wish we don't need to walk this far but we did. Straight to the point, what are you having up your sleeves? I know you're hiding too much and i'm not questioning anything but i'm just too upset of being hidden and sided you know?  I really wish you didn't change." Olie answered but she couldn't look into her friend's eyes.

"Olie, why the problem has to be me? Why it couldn't be you? I never change and nobody changed here. Maybe the environment is different but i'm still the Sally you knew and always will be. You also have to know that everyone has their own space which they don't want anyone to interfere. And not everything has to be told, reported or acknowledged to you." Sally replied but there was no immediate answer from Olie. " We are friends, best friend, before, now and always. I never think that you felt this way and i don't mean to treat you as outsiders. It's just the space i need. I..."

"Understood" Olie interrupted. "I'm all clear, all i want to know is whether or not we are still friends and i already have my answer. Another thing..." she stopped for a moment and it was plain silent before she spoke again. "Do you want any drinks?" she smiled while offering to Sally.

"Nope. I'm fine. Is that what you want to know?" Sally rejected the offer but sounding a bit of doubts in her tone.

" I don't think i dared to ask anymore question. It's like i don't know when i should talk to you and when i shouldn't talk to you because i talked to you everything just before this tragedy happened. I know you liked him. You liked Jonah but you just don't want to admit but why? We are sisters. You know i liked him but it was last time and it's nothing by now. Even if i know of it what will i do? Snatch him from you? That's the last thing in my to-do-list and the first thing is to give you my blessing. I'm disappointed that you never think of my feelings as well. But i know that there'll be one day, you come to tell me that he proposed to you and i'll definitely be your maid of honor..." Olie thought about it and she didn't give any reply to Sally. But suddenly, Sally stood up and slapped Olie and it sure attracted some attention from nearby. 

"Why.." Olie's eyes was already filled with tears and just the right moment it'll be rushing right out.

"If you're thinking what i'm thinking then you're so wrong! You ARE my best sister i ever had and no matter what i'm going to let you be my sister whether you like it or not!" Sally shouted right in front of her and she burst out with tears so as Olie. Olie was so touched and she couldn't imagine for that very moment she knew she made the right choice. To let go of her lousy attitude of wanting to know everything and making life complicated for everyone around. She then pushed her chair away and hugged Sally. A huge sister huge...