A Narrative Part 1

"Of all friends, why them? I've already been through so much. I've change my self from being hated to getting liked. But why just this very time you come and tell me are still friend? I just hope i could pretend that nothing happened between us before and i shall just let everything go and be us as before." Olie Dale, a girl from the opposite town, mumbling to herself and looking out of the window. 

The air was damp and the night was silent. Not even a single soul appearing under her chatting list. Seems to her that everyone is avoiding her and not talking to her. But actually it's just a Friday night when everyone is having fun out there and nobody invited her. That's all. She's been good for most of the time already but she's still not satisfy enough. People around her are appreciating what she has done and all her kind help but to her, it's not enough because her best friends are letting her down and not being so best to her anymore.

After a while, she stood up from her chair and walk to the door. Shutting the door behind her, she walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of hot chocolate so warm herself. As she was making the drink for herself, she continued to think about the incident happened to her.

"It's such unfair. I've use all of me to be a good friend of you. We laughed, we joked we cried together we even shared our clothes. We're so close that we're almost sisters already but why now? Why after you moved out and you began to change? I don' know how to convince myself... If one day, you would just walk out with the guy whom i used to loved, i'll definitely give you my blessing but please, allow me to hinder myself because i may not know how to react at the very moment." she mumbled to herself again and she was already finish making her hot chocolate.

Olie took a sip and felt all the satisfaction for the night. She need more than a drink. She needs a guy. A guy who would really give her the strong and reliable shoulder to lean on. Doesn't matter if the shoulder is not so broad but she just need the comfort and safety from him. In short, his love....

Truth vs Misunderstanding

Back again from all the absence and time really pass like MAD... Things happened so fast and so many. I wonder why 2011 is such a bad beginning already. But i'm never down for whatever is up because i'm always being the icon of people around me and they all kinda depend on my emotion. A single twist and hip can cause a lot of trouble around already. 

What is so much of the trouble that happened to me? All i could say is hiding and hiding. Friends around me are hiding, may be not really hiding but they're just not telling the situation to me. All they know is not telling will cause less trouble but don't they know that when they don't tell they're really hurting the person more which is me  for the matter of fact. Why? It's easy. When i come to know of the real situation, i'm not likely to be blamed but i still blamed myself for being such a lousy and extra. 

I haven't say anything yet to the one whom i had hurt deeply. I truly wish that people can just get over with it as in we are more than friends already and what's more is that you know i do stupid things like that yet you take it to the heart so much. If you don't see the big picture of it i can't make you see it too you know? We are already being so close and we shared maybe not yet the hardest but we've already been through things that you may not have to go through with others and that should make you think of it. I can talk and laugh and joke about anything but nothing can be done when you're still shrugging your shoulders and showing the stupid and lousy attitude towards me. It sure brings me to the point where i won't do anything more. But, but, but, I'm still here and always. Never gone. I'm sure no one can give you the advice i gave and no one can give you the insights i gave as well. Surely, it's always yourself to judge what am i to you and where do i stand inside you. Fair? Farewell.

Before the ending of the post, where do i find all the strength to fight all the hardships when and especially when i'm all by myself? Ask from a prayer. I just hold on no matter what disaster, hold on as tight as i can and you'll find that it's actually not such a bad day after all... 

Night With Confession

What's wrong with you? You should change!  Be a MAN! You are not suppose to be like that!

Phrases by phrases cutting through my wound opening it wide and spreading the pain more. I can't help but to agree and think about it. So, I'm blessed with wonderful family, unique voice, different appearance, amazing friends, great advising technique but without knowledge. However, you're missing another piece, 7 years of life without drama but dramas from close friends. What? Why? I have nothing in me yet i helped people? I want to be helped! I want all the experience and lousy time but i don't. God is loving me too much to let me suffer that way but the another so that i will grow ever strong than anyone else. 

Another missing piece, is not me who doesn't want to change and following fate IS i don't know how to fight it back! Now i know but how strong and determine i can get to fight it? Time tells. When all the fate is tricking me, when all the luck is gone, when all wishes are not coming, inside and deep down i have hope. Hope with no way to go a new way appear and leading me into a new place where things are different from now and the way it should be. 

For the more(furthermore), Lord bless me with the heart to soul to care about you and why not blessing others with it? Because He knows that i can handle it better and probably suitable than any others. But you are to be cared nothing MORE or LESS than that! I have no autorithy to ignore that call but if you take it for granted and start to make that caring you is such a big deal than i CAN turn away and let whoever is there left to take care of you. Be grateful when someone is actually caring about you! Not thinking that why you cared so much? Don't get it? Then don't need to get it. Plus, you're not the first i'm caring of so don't be such ridiculous and make it a BIG DEAL!

I'm desperate, I'm thirsty, I'm waiting patiently for the right time. Everything happened and if there are more to happen then come on! I have nothing more to lose but more to gain. I seriously hoping for the real  me to emerge from me. I was told i have it in me but it's not portraying yet. When is the right time? Please., tell me.

Weekday Blue

I miss all my firends already! What to do, they're all not around during holidays but for those who are coming back to join me i'm very glad you do and i am waiting very patiently!

I felt so bad that my friend actually broke up with his partner. It was believed that she lied to him and cheated on him. She has another guy with her well, of course, with out his knowledge with by coincidence my friend discovered. He said he is very fine with being single at the moment so i think you better be or else forget bout your status!

Is it me or what that i am not so obsessed with love this few weeks. Perhaps because i'm enjoying my time with games and of all i get to ravel but a very tiring one! Who gets the point? They... Oh wells. I just wish you can give me a peace of mind and let me enjoy now! You're like hunting me you know and it's not enjoyable to talk about it. Go away...

Oh, Masquerade ball is coming! I can wait no longer and i miss my boy!!! If you would show up that's the best but that's also the least i hope of. Please take good care of yourself while i'm away. Happy day!

Calling From Elders

Elders in this context i not literally the elder we have at home but rather the elder i have in heaven. I suddenly receive this call to talk to him about his problem. Why? i don't know because first i never talk to him second, he probably hates me. But, why is the call so strong and urging? Isit me or what?

My final for this semester i coming like few more days and i'm still blogging my way here. This is just not working... What should i do to get myself in the mood? Actually i am in the mood just that i am evaluating myself highly. And it's just effing.. 

If i can choose to find one thing to aid me right now. It would be a person whom i loved and who loved me more. If and if only, cupid would find the way to me...

Special? No way....

It's such a pleasant day to hang out with friends studying whole at at Starbucks! Ya Starbucks! It's something new for me as i never actually study at places like that but surprisingly we managed to study till like almost all of them! Cool right? But it's just being together and kill time makes the moment precious. Oh... We had like latte, mocha and caramel. You should try caramel if you want something sweet, latte as something more or less coffee -like and mint mocha for sweet and chocolaty...

But happy times just ends so fast and we had dinner together. Seems like having a meal sitting with him doesn't make things any weirder and OMG i haven't thank him for the drink he paid! Thank you for paying for my drink! (Hope you read though) Here comes the whole day of event. Something that is so much different from usual.

Looking back it's a lot of fun time but it's never fun for me until i finally realise that being someone dfferent is more than a burden to me already. If just one day, like i said, waking up, feeling all normal hagging out with bunch of guys, how cool will that be? If i would ever get that only day and particular chance... It's just me alone sometimes... (nevermind the words in the picture below)

Just need a warm hug and a whole bowl of ice cream to cheer me up! All the best for tomorrow!

Dedicate

If you're a huge fan of Zac Efron, you will defnitely love this very post! I'm dedicating this to all my friends that - love is indeed not a game so if you're holding onto one make sure it is tight and if you felt it loose on one side start to let it go and don't even think of looking back.

Then, when i was still thinking that am i always flirting with people too much, i began to think that i really do. My friends always say i flirt and seduce but that's not true.. It's just my way of communicating. Perhaps i do sometimes... (look at that on the below! sweet!)

But isn't that just human nature? May be it's just my own nature because i'm lacking of that. I should say i'm cursed from love. Duh... But for one thing., i always believe in love even though it's not blessed...